The "Stranger Things" of Foster Parenting

After finishing the first season of "Stranger Things", I reflected on various elements of the show and how it relates to the world around me.  Here is my conclusion in a nutshell: We are constantly running into the upside-down. 

As a foster parent and pastor, I realize that my life is constantly leading me into murky and uncomfortable settings.  For some, it could be the death of a loved one, a marriage on the rocks, a debilitating diagnosis, a job loss, addiction,or a child removed from their home and sense of normalcy.  Many find themselves in a real "upside-down".  It's scary and even dangerous at times.  As a foster parent you never know when you are going to go next. You are getting groceries, watching TV, or even sleeping in the middle of the night and the phone rings. You answer it and you hear a DCS worker's voice asking you if you will take in a child who is in need of immediate services.  In blink of an eye you are preparing yourself and your home for the reality that you are once again stepping into a reality that is horribly unfamiliar, possibly dangerous, and very complicated. 

In the upside-down of fostering, there are real monsters on the prowl.  Abuse (in many forms), neglect, drug exposure, fear, physical/mental/emotional wounds, etc. But here's the thing....you run into the upside-down.  Why?  Because there is a kid who is terrified more than you are and needs to be told they are safe and that you are with them. You have no idea what you are getting ready to encounter. Sure, you might have an idea of what is out there from previous cases and placements, but every case is different with it's own dangers and monsters.  But that does not matter.  There is a kid in a scary reality who is terrified and lost and they need you.  So you run into the upside-down of life, never looking back, for their sake.

There is a passage of scripture that for me sums up why my wife and I run into the "upside-down" of foster parenting:

^1-2 Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”
^3-6 That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it.      - Romans 15:1-4 MSG

So strong and brave foster parent, do not be afraid to wade right in and help out.  If you are able to take a placement (I fully understand that sometimes you have to say no for various reasons),  do not let fear of the unknown keep you from running into the upside-down of life.  Children of abuse and neglect are counting on you.  

Run.
  

Update

Update

Update

First cucumber!  With many more on their way!

Frost and Failure

I am fully aware that it has been over a month since my last post, but I have been journaling and writing on paper so look for many posts in the coming weeks.

Since I started blogging about my faith connection to gardening I have been journeying deeper and deeper in my relationship with creation and its Divine Creator.  I have experienced the joy found in the birth of a radish sprout, cheered on the excelling cucumber mound, and waged war against the ever invading weeds.

The first weeks of the garden are quiet, but just under the soil is a growing silent crescendo as the seeds germinate and strive towards the surface and sun.  It reminds me of Isaiah 43:19,"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"  

The morning that I noticed the first sprouts of the garden I became very aware that the hard work was still ahead.  Now I must facilitate the best growth for these plants so that they may bear much fruit to the enjoyment of the gardener, me. 

But then the unforeseen occurred...

Frost.

It was not forecasted.  Mother's day, the day usually marked when frosts become rare, had come and gone, but it came anyway.  When I woke up the next morning and step onto my front porch I became eerily aware of it by the sight of my own breath in the crisp cool air. 

Days later I noticed the fading color on the tips of the leaves, and after researching online I realized that the cucumber might not survive or at the very least be unable to grow as effective as it should.

Then I found myself with the lingering question," Does frost equal failure?"

Hindsight remedies began to flood my mind," I should have covered the plants that previous night. I should have sprayed water on the plants to wash off the frost in order to lessen the damage."  

I began to take on the blame of the unforeseen frost.  Even though I had no warning of it, the frost was becoming my fault.  

I failed.

But is that valid?  Or does the frost give me an advantage?

Being a pastor I turn to the scriptures for guidance and discernment.  As I searched the scriptures dealing with failure, I realized that failure is not defined in the Bible as an end of labor due to inability or unforeseen circumstances.  Rather, failure serves as a tool to guide and equip God's people towards the new heaven and earth that is to come.

Yes, failure is a gift.

It reminds us of our boundaries.  As seen in Genesis where God places boundaries on day and night, land and sea, and earth and sky.  The raging tides seek to crash against the land, but the divine boundary set by the Creator of the universe does not allow it to do so.  The Earth's orbit around the sun distributes the life-giving rays for creation, but also provides the cover of darkness so that creation may rest and renew.  Without boundaries or limits, we would never enjoy the harvest of the crops from the fields or the ripening of tomatoes. Failure reminds us of our boundaries.  

Failure reminds that we are all on a journey together. All of creation is venturing together and creation is moving towards newness.  New technology, medical advances, and the evolutionary processes found in plants and animals reveal that creation is striving towards the new heaven and earth.

Failure gives us focus and clarity.  Thomas Edison, the great inventor of the light bulb, is quoted as saying he never failed at making a light bulb, but rather learned how not to make a light bulb thousands of times.  Each attempt brought him closer and closer to the success of a functional light bulb.  Failure shifts our perspective into clarity.  The ambiguity of life is reduced so that we can see better the path leading us to success.

So, failure is a gift.  Just as plants wither, stars implode and human organs fail, failure leads us in our greater understanding of the process that leads us to unity with God.  

I am not counting the frost as failure.  I am more aware, equipped, and prepared for the garden than I was before.  

In closing I am reminded by the words of St. Francis of Assisi:

All creatures of our God and King,

Lift up your voice and with us sing,

Alleluia!

Let all things their Creator bless,

And Worship him in humbleness.

O Praise God, Alleluia!

  

Gardening As a Means of Grace

Today was a day that reminded me that working with your hands can be a means of God's grace.

My wife and I began a garden this year at the parsonage.  We have different hopes and goals for the garden. My wife sees it as a good hobby and stress reliever from our ministerial vocations where as I see it as an overall health initiative.

We planned, strategized, and ordered our plants and seeds.  Scouring over the catalogs we compared this tomato plant to another, discerned how many plants do we actually need, and how much can we tend to with our busy schedules.

Then came the preparation.  To my amazement, my neighbor worked the soil for me when I was gone and now the garden was ready for seeds and plants.

So I thought...

Living in Northwest Indiana requires a lot more patience than it does living in Southeast Indiana.  It takes longer to warm up and frost lingers longer into the year compared to where I grew up.  So we have to wait to plant and seed the garden.


However, our patience was met with a blessing, asparagus.

My predecessor planted asparagus and left it intact. My wife and I were excited that we inherited an asparagus plant and have been anxiously awaiting the spring to usher our first spears.

Today was that day.

During my lunch break, I would routinely check the flowers and garden to see if they needed any attention.  When I arrived to the garden I saw 6-8 spears sticking up 7-9 inches above the ground.  I exclaimed with joy, ran into the house to grab my gardening knife, and harvested the first food from our garden.

You would have thought I won the lottery.  I ran over to my neighbor to share the good news, and to offer the first crops from the garden for his hard work of preparing the soil.  Unfortunately, he does not share the same fondness for asparagus like myself.

Later that evening I began to fix dinner using the first batch of asparagus from the garden.  As I cut up the asparagus I paused and gave thanks for the food that had been given to me by the Creator of this creation.

When my wife came home we sat down and had a delicious dinner and enjoyed the fresh asparagus.

All of this, from six spears of asparagus, has propelled me into a desire to connect with my Creator God through not just tending and living off of a garden, but also caring for my whole self (mind, body, and spirit).

This summer I plan to become more aware of what I am eating by simply eating meals made with ingredients from the garden.


I will post updates as well as photos along the journey. 

Maybe you have done this.  Make sure to leave your comments below or on facebook.  I love getting feedback. Your feedback helps make the blog better and more enjoyable.

Why CPE Matters

It is nearing the end of May which means that I am nearing the end of my first year of itinerant ministry within the United Methodist Church.  I have been reflecting on this past year, and all of the first encounters I have had along the way.  First baptisms, church meetings, weddings, and funerals run through my mind like a
carousel. This first year of ministry just so happened to coincide with my first year as a husband, and all of the joys and challenges that are included in marriage as a young adult. 

Like I said, I have had many first encounters.  Some more than others...

I have, as of now, officiated twenty one funerals.  Funerals, though beautiful and a time of celebrating the life of those who have passed on, are also filled with many demands along with the emotional and spiritual effects of grief and loss for the family and friends of the deceased as well as the pastor.

My first funeral occurred during my first week as pastor.  I did not know the deceased individual or their family, but I was being asked to form a service that would celebrate the life lived and the love shared by this person.  My office was still in boxes, and the first book I needed was the Book of Worship. 


I had no idea how to prepare for this service, how to engage in dialogue with the family, or how to work with a funeral home director.

I was lost.

Then I remembered CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education).

As I began to prepare for the funeral (while unpacking boxes at the house and the office) I found myself asking these questions," What would I do at CPE?  How did I prepare for those initial introductory visits with patients I had never met before, nor would see again after their stay?  What would my CPE mentor say?  What would my peer group, who encouraged and supported me through verbatims and group dialogue, say?"

Over time, I began to comb over notes, verbatims, journal entries, and books from my CPE experience.  I quickly was reminded that I was equipped to handle these new challenges because of my CPE experience.  I also quickly became very grateful for the transformation that occurred during those seven months.  

I learned to embrace the gift of listening to people's stories.  Whether I heard stories of personal battles with cancer, chronic illness or pain, or the coming to acceptance of a loved one's condition, I was given the gift to look into a window of people's lives that many are not able to see. I was able to peer into the stories of a person's soul.  I learned to give God glory and thanks for those moments and stories as they began to shape my faith, and how God used the telling of the stories as vehicles to healing for those sharing the stories.

I give God thanks and praise for CPE.  It shaped my ministry in powerful ways.  It equipped this young pastor to exist in a season of death for a church and community, and made me aware of my own need for grief and sabbath.  It gave me the tools and skills to lead a congregation through the dark valley of despair and doubt towards the transforming ministries that are seeking to change the world through the love of God.

Seminarians often complain about having the requirement of doing a unit of CPE.  I know because I initially saw it as another hoop for me to jump through for ordained ministry.  However,  after a year of ministry in a local church I feel compelled to shatter the myth that CPE is a hoop to jump through.  CPE is rather a door that opens you to a transformed faith, an increased knowledge of self, and an equipping for ministry that is unmatched.